By Lewis Kennebrew, Senior Director, Business Process Consulting at ArcherGrey LLC
Chapter 1: Hello my name is…
I walk into the crowded lobby with my dog-eared and marked up script in hand. There’s a harried looking gentleman behind the desk copying and pasting data across two screens of applications. I walk up with my most confident swagger and say “Hello, my name is Design Intent and I’m here to audition for the commercial New Product. I’m reading from the script “The Specification” and for the role: Cog in the Machine.”
“Have a seat and I’ll get to you later” says the gentleman, never looking up.
“Thanks Mr. Umm? “, I asked.
“Mr. Checker. Now have a seat” was his reply. Six hours and three other parts later, Mr. Checker, without looking up, shouts “Candidate for Cog in the Machine, next!” I step up and say, “Hello my name is Design Intent”.
“Whatever”, says Mr. Checker. “Did you read the script?”
“I did! I’ve really prepared for this role! I speak French with a Canadian accent and I worked with a stunt choreographer to meet the physical needs of the…”
“That was a YES or NO question,” interrupts Mr. Checker.
“Yes.”
“Fine, go down the hall to the door marked Development and get your headshot done. Then head over to Operations. “
“Thanks! Have a good day!” I’m so giddy with excitement, I practically run to the Development department.
Chapter 2: Connie Wisdom
I walk into the dark and somewhat quiet Development office. Once my eyes adjust, I see rows of desks of Designers and Drafters working with their subjects. I see a Designer that looks free and sit in front of her.
“Hi, my name is Design Intent.” I say as I extend my hand.
Ignoring my hand, she says with a yawn, “Hold still the sign while I draw your headshot”. Not seeing a sign, I just hold still. She draws. I keep holding still. She keeps drawing.
Finally, Connie finishes. I see that her desk plate indicates her name is Connie Wisdom. Connie hands me the drawing, and… I feel deflated. Actually, this drawing makes me LOOK deflated. It’s almost a freaking caricature! This flat two-dimensional drawing doesn’t capture my athleticism, my strong features, or my joie de vivre. Just as I’m about to ask if she can rework it, Mr. Checker peeks in the door and yells, “I just got Notice that the person reading for the Cog in the Machine needs to report RIGHT NOW!”
I take the drawing, half-heartedly thank the Designer, and run for the door. “Here’s my drawing, Mr. Checker. I have some concerns that the drawing doesn’t cap…”
“Let me stop you there. Connie Wisdom knows what she’s doing. She works to standard. You’re released to go to Operations! Now hurry along.”
Chapter 3: Action!?!
I walk expeditiously to Operations, where the Director spots me. I run up and introduce myself: “Sorry if I’m late, my name is Design Intent.” He snatches the drawing from my hand, looks it over, turns his back to me to look at the other actors preparing for their parts, looks back down at the drawing, and says: “I don’t think you’re right for this part; not rugged enough.“
“But Sir, if you would just look at me and not that drawing, you’d see that I have the features you’re looking for! I’ve got the features, I speak French-Canadian, and I can perform the activities in The Specification!”
“Sorry, kid. I don’t have the time to check you out. And by the way, I thought you said your name was Design Intent, this drawing says your name is DeSign N. DeTent. I need a Cog in the Machine and not a Sign in the Tent. Step aside please. Somebody get me last year’s actor for this part!”
Chapter 4: New Management
A year after my failed attempt to play a part in the New Product, I walk into the same studio, again with a dog-eared and well-marked up script in hand. This time the script is “Specification: New Revision”. The studio sign outside the door says Under New Management. I wonder what’s up with that.
With some sweat beading on my forehead, I walk in. The reception area is well lit with bright colors and each role in the Assembly having its own clearly marked waiting section. Lots of monitors line the walls, providing updates on all sorts of activities.
“Hello, my name is Design Intent.” I say as I walk up. “I’m here for the commercial: New & Improved Product. I’m reading for the lead part in the Assembly.”
“Hello. I’m Mr. Gatekeeper, and I’m going to give you this name tag with your name: Design Intent, and this number: 07734, clearly labeled on the front. Wear it at all times. Also, on the back of the tag, you’ll find the workflow you’ll need to follow before I can release you to Operations. That is, if you get released to Operations. Understood?”
I respond, “I understand! A question, though. What does the number mean?”
“It means you’re not any other number, that’s what it means. It looks like you’ve studied The Specification: New Revision. Can you meet the requirements of the part?”
“I sure can! I can play the rugged part; I worked on my Spanish language skills; and my physical performance skills are off the charts!”
“Humph! We’ll be the judge of that. You seem ready to get into the system though. If there are no other questions, follow your workflow.” With that Mr. Gatekeeper ushered me through the door.
Chapter 5: YouTube makes everyone a star
I look at the workflow on the back of my card and head to my next stop: The Development Department. The department where that Designer ruined my likeness, my name, and possibly my career last year.
I walk in and guess who, of all people, has the one open seat!
Now, I’m really nervous, but I swallow the big lump in my throat, take a deep breath and walk up to her desk. “Hello, I’m Design Intent.”
Connie looks up at me, or rather at my name tag: “Hi, Number 07734. Let me look you up in my system. Hmm, it says you’re here to audition for the lead Part in the Assembly. OK, I can set that up. It says here that you have the script “Specification, New Revision”. I’ll pull that up as well. Let me ask you to stand over there in front of the green screen, look at the monitor and read your lines from the scene: Start-Up Procedure, in the specification. You’ll be recorded by 3 cameras so just act natural and face the monitor.”
“No Drawing?”, I ask.
“We don’t do that anymore; unless by request. Now start reading your lines: lights, camera, action!”
I read my lines and give my best rugged and nuanced interpretation of the required lines.
Afterwards, Connie Wisdom says “Cut! Great job; even with the French and Spanish bits. Nice pronunciation. You know, you look familiar. Anyway, we’re done here. Head over to your next stop.”
I check the back of my name tag, see Stunt Choreography is up next, see the location, and head over there. The Stunt Coordinator took me through the same process as in Development but this time tested my strength, coordination, and ability to perform with some mates during the action sequences.
Chapter 6: 07734
The last step marked in my process is to head back to the waiting room and await word on whether I’ll get the part or not. I feel good about my experiences today, but not having seen the videos made at each step, I can’t be sure.
“07734! 07734! Hey, you, Design Intent!” breaking into my daydreaming, I realize Mr. Gatekeeper has been running up behind me. “Sorry about that, what’s up?”
“They need you immediately in Operations, like right now. Follow me,” huffed an out-of-breath Mr. Gatekeeper. “The Director wants you to get ready. She’s reviewed your audition videos and is impressed with your fit for the part.
Chapter 7: Hello, my name is…
I walk onto the set and immediately see who’s in charge. Its in-between scenes, so I walk up to the Director and introduce myself: “Hello, my name is Design Intent.”
“I know exactly who you are and what you can do. I saw your audition videos. Welcome to the Production. I’m Bess Practice and your Director.”
“Nice to meet you. I’m looking forward to working with you and the cast”, I say enthusiastically.
“Likewise. We’re on a tight schedule, so I need you to read this revised scene, and get ready to hit your marks.”
Thanking the Director, I head over to the craft table to get ready and wait for my cue.
I am Design Intent and I’m ready to make my mark on this Production. “Hello, New & Improved Product, here I come!”
The End